Fat Phobia

Imagine; two people, one larger than the other. Each person is holding the exact same burger and fries in their hands; enjoying every mouthful they take. Both have equal fitness levels and are perfectly healthy for their body, background, and personal circumstances. Tell me – how in the world do people in society justify telling the larger person to “eat a salad”, or that eating that meal is “only going to make them fatter”, and yet no comment is made to the other person who is eating the exact same thing??

I have had many unfortunate encounters throughout my recovery, when my physical body was still showing the symptoms of struggles from my eating disorder. Strangers have told me or yelled at me to eat a pie, or comment on my shrunken body. Yet, people somehow justify this as being different, and ‘better’ than making comments toward a person of a larger body size. Those saying these things laugh it off as being a joke, something to make their peers remember them, - I beg to differ. These comments hurt, they make you hate yourself and what your illness has done to you, you feel sorry for whoever you are with for embarrassing them, and they poke the bear for a lapse or relapse in your recovery.

I have also had the experience of seeing a similar situation happen to others in our society. I’ve seen people’s eyes, the faces pulled, the atrociously rude comments, and some physical interaction toward people in larger body sizes. These are the same sorts of people that made comments toward me. Now, these types of people must have some faulty connections in their funky wee mind that can justify these comments, let alone thinking that one doesn’t hurt just as much as the other.

Now, I am hoping to imagine that a few of you are feeling rather disgusted at what I have just stated – good – what you may not like is what I am going to expect. While these people may have had the guts to say it aloud, how many of us have made similar comments (which may or may not be as strong as the before mentioned) in our mind?

I would be very surprised if you can confidently say that you have not ever done this – even I will openly commit to doing this in my past. What I will say is that these are never consciously think about. Media, our environment, and greater society has this idea ingrained into it to think that making such comments is just part of being human, ‘we can’t help it!’. I call absolute bull on this – I refuse to believe being a part of the human race means that we can attribute these comments to our species. Hell no.

Throughout my growing years, and even more so in the past two years, I have learned not to make these comments second nature to my being – and this has been some hard work, harder than I thought it would have been. Why so hard? I was actively trying not to do something against what practically everything around me is telling me to do. Thankfully the hard work has paid off, and these thoughts no longer immediately jump into my mind.

What am I getting at here? There is zero difference in the reasons behind making comments about someone’s appearance or body – regardless of their size, it is not okay. If you think that making comments toward someone noticeably thin and potentially struggling with an eating disorder is different than doing the same toward someone of a larger frame (and I remind – may also struggle from an eating disorder) – think again. The words hurt. Fat phobia goes both ways.

All I ask is that you observe yourself for a few days and tally the number of times your mind gets intruded by ‘fat phobic’ comments – you may be surprised. The next thing is to address these – so whenever such comments do interrupt you mind do these things:

1. Stop – physically and mentally

2. Take notice – what triggered this comment?

3. Find the cause – was this comment due to an insecurity of your own? Perhaps a stressful stage in your life? Are you surrounded by certain people? Or does it just happen?

4. Pull yourself up and repeat your counter-phrase – “Why does it matter what they look like?” “Who am I to make such comments toward another?” “How would I feel if someone thought something similar about me?”

5. Repeat.

It will take time, but I can promise you that the relief and overwhelming mind-shift you will experience is worth it. The most important thing I will say is that start this thought-challenging with the one person you will want to exclude most from this – yourself.

Your friend,

Rawing Meg

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