Feeding You - The Journey Begins

When you first start your recovery, or are trying to come out of a relapse, food can be rather scarce in your diet and the thought of eating what is considered sufficient and necessary for your body can be too far a stretch from your current situation. I get it, it’s hard – really fucking hard; your whole head is screaming at you to act against something that is a non-negotiable for sustaining human life. It can be hard for your loved ones, and even professionals, to understand where you are coming from and what are realistic steps needed to be taken to increase your food intake. I would recommend eating as much as you can when you can during anorexia recovery – your body has been deprived for so long that it will need as much as it can get. If you struggle with compensatory behaviours, it is a far better idea to eat to a level that you will keep in your system without engaging in behaviours – this may mean starting small, and that is a-okay. It is not worth using your behaviours for the sake of appeasing your loved ones or health carers when you know you are truly pushing the boundaries of your safe zone. While I say this – I must tell you that this cannot always be the case; you will need to begin increasing and eating more, you will need to continue to stretch your limits and test your disorder. You will, and you will lose – but remember; a loss does not mean that it is over, but rather an indication to try again.

Coming out of a period of prolonged starvation, having anything is better than nothing; and little and often can commonly be the way to go. Hunger signals are either long gone, or you have lost your relationship with them, it can make eating hard – so set some timers on your phone for every 2-3 hours, or eat by the clock to ensure you are getting something into you at regular intervals.

What can really be handy is sitting down and identifying foods that are safe, those that are fears, and those which in between (let’s call them “fearly-safe” for the purpose of the blog). Quite often, the safe foods are low calories, low in fat and/or carbohydrates, and fear foods being the opposite (or foods that trigger some eating disorder behaviours). Pair safe foods with “fearly-safe” foods to increase your intake. This can be matching a vegetable with a dip – hummus is great, peanut butter too, even guacamole and salsa – and let’s not forget the kiwi classic onion soup dip! Pair fruit with something too – berries and yogurt, apple or banana with peanut butter or cheese, tinned peaches and custard, any fruit with a small portion of melted chocolate or chocolate spread.

Let’s talk grains and carbohydrate sources – these are often some of the first to go, and the most fearful to put back in. I’ll get one thing straight – carbohydrates will not make you fat, they are actually one of the most important components in a human diet and a lack of carbohydrates can cause major implications on your body (the brain thrives primarily on carbohydrate bi-products so without them your cognition are severely impaired, making challenging your eating disorder even harder). If having that cup of rice, sandwich, or pasta seems too far-fetched for you at this point in your recovery; why not try half & half grains with a vegetable – cauliflower and plain rice mix, carrot and spaghetti noodles, legume pasta, or an open-style sandwich with one slice of bread and perhaps a lettuce cup on top. Overtime, you can increase the ratio of the carbohydrates and lessen the vegetable components until you have all of the grain option.

Moving on to fats, and I will say the same thing I said about carbohydrates – fats do not make you fat! They are essential in major bodily functions. Want to know why your hair and nails are brittle? Your skin cracked? Your brain and cognition fuzzy? Your period and sex drive non-existent? FATS, that’s why. We need them in our diet, no ifs or buts. I am not saying that you need to eat the whole tree of avocado, deep fry all of your food, or down the jar of nut butter – but you will not hurt or suddenly increase in size by adding a bit of fat to your food. Start by progressing from non-fat, to low-fat, then whole/full fat products like dairy, soy, and meat; change egg whites to whole eggs; add a teaspoon, then a tablespoon of nut butter/oil/avocado to your meals and fats; nuts are a great addition to your diet too (they are small, easy and quick to eat, and will not make you feel too full for increasing your intake elsewhere).

Next up; protein – it is not just a thing that body-builders need, and will not make you gain muscles and weight like crazy. Protein is another essential component of a diet – they are the major contributor to building foundations in your body and feeding what muscles you do have (not necessarily increasing them in size). Whole eggs are much tastier than egg whites alone and the yolks have so many nutrients in them! Add a dollop of hummus to your dinner, or cheese to your chilli/potato/sandwich Use both yogurt and milk in a smoothie or on your cereal. Add an extra scoop or half one to your plate.

At the end of the day, you are the only one that can make decent and real changes in your approach to food and diet – no amount of lecturing, shock therapy, scare tactics, or preaching will make you believe the necessity of food until you open up to the idea of accepting what your disorder has twisted and lied to you about. Don’t kid yourself and think you are an exception or “special case” of human that can survive of little/nothing to eat – that only brings your death closer.

Slap yourself in the face, give yourself a pep-talk, and take that step that you know you need to make – you need to eat, and in recovery you need enough for your body and to repair any damage you have done. This could be different to your mum, your sister, your best friend, and the random stranger across from you in the food court – every body is different, and food is just that; food.

Your friend,

Rawing Meg, xx