How do I structure what I eat? Calorie counting, exchanges plans, and intuitive eating

When I was first referred to my local Eating Disorder Service, my parents were told to take full control over my food, which lasted all of 3 months. This style of recovery did not work out for me and my family, and while I do recognise that the voice of my eating disorder was partly to blame I am also, naturally, a strongly independent person. From very early on in my recovery, I felt a deep need to take responsibility and control of my own recovery and learn how to rely on myself and feed myself correctly.

Despite my experience, I do believe that having the parents in control (or the family-based therapy (FBT) approach) is what I would recommend anyone to experience and should be the only option for young sufferers. The reason why this didn’t work for me was down to my personality type and factors in the family dynamic that were not compatible with this approach. The path that I chose to take, which put me in charge of my recovery journey, was much harder on me and may have been the reason my recovery has been a bit lengthier than others – but I do not regret it.

On to the topic of how exactly I began to feed myself. In the case of my eating disorder, I never got in to calorie counting which I am very fortunate for, but I do know that this is a tricky issue for other suffers. After the attempt of the Maudsley approach to recovery, with the power in my hands, my team and I decided that would eat 3 meals and 3 snacks everyday – ensuring that they were substantial enough for gaining. I didn’t follow any exchange plan or having to eat x food at x time – my meals were naturally balanced without needing to follow this. In my case, the foods in which I was able to eat was rather limited, but the goal for me was to get anything in – whatever it may be. As time progressed, the variety of my foods expanded as too did the portions. However, I soon reached a point in my recovery where I was no longer able to eat anymore – so we turned to nutritional supplementation which made the weight restoration process more streamlined and consistent. I remained on 2 supplements a day for 18 months, until I reached a sufficient weight where it was possible to start weening myself off of them. The idea of diet supplementation brings mixed feelings from both health professionals and eating disorder sufferers and is something I will expand on in the next post.

Now, moving on – how do I keep feeding myself despite still struggling with having an eating disorder? For me, I like to channel my perfectionism into something positive – laying down a blanket rule of 3 meals and 3 snacks each day with zero exceptions. It doesn’t matter how terrible I feel about my body or how bad my mood is, I refuse to now take these feelings, emotions, and thoughts out on my body. In order to make sure I do this; my perfectionism lends itself in a not-so-helpful way where I need to eat at certain times in order to do so. While this isn’t ideal, and in no way reflects the variety of daily living, it is doing the job at the moment and is something I am continuously working on to ensure this does not remain the case for my future and switch to a more intuitive style of eating. I am able to work, to study, to exercise with good intent, to socialize, to live – this is not something I will ever let myself let go of no matter how crap I feel.

I do not think that there is one single way to eat in which all people recovering should go – we are far too different in family history and background, previous eating habits, struggles, and body needs. What one person eats to maintain their weight may not be adequate for another person – so why should we think that there is one meal plan, or diet, or calories amount that all should stick to?

My advice to anyone recovering is this; if you are in treatment – listen to the professionals, they have been trained to aid in recovery from eating disorders and you are not the first patient that needs assistance with getting eating habits in check. Additionally, deep down, beyond the disordered voices, you know you – what you ate before you got sick, what foods you like, how and when you ate – so use this knowledge you’ve had buried within you to your advantage!

And the answer to probably one of the most commonly asked questions – yes, it does get easier. I’m not saying that all of us will, one day, never have a second thought about food or your weight (although this is the case for some), but rather you get used to the voices and refuse to let them have a toll on your life.

You do you, embrace recovery and the truly beautiful idea of regaining your life. Life cannot exist without food, but food does not need to consume your life. You have the power and the reigns – take control, use it appropriately and with purpose every damn day – I promise you it will be worth it.

Rawing Meg xx