Practicing 'Self-Love' - When you feel anything but

For a lot of us with mental illness – eating disorders, anxiety, depression, personality disorders, phobias – taking care of ourselves is something we find very difficult; heck, it’s something anyone struggles to do! We are often so free able to provide support, love, and gifts to those closest to us – friends, family, colleagues – yet when it comes to treating ourselves in the same way there is this double standard.

“You are not worthy”, “You do not need or deserve ‘x’ or ‘y’”, “You have not earned anything”

Would we ever say these sorts of things to anyone? Goodness no! So how is it that we manage to talk so negatively toward ourselves? I’m not going to lie and say that this is not something I have, or still do, struggle with. Its something that has taken me years to understand and build upon, and despite being 5 years into my recovery journey I still see a long way to go. However, through my years I have built up a wee backstock of tips and trick that have created ‘loop-holes’ in this negative thinking and created space for me to grow my practice of self-love. Now, self-love does not need to always be the extravagant things commonly thought of – spa days, massages, dinner and drinks with friends, a clothing spree – don’t get me wrong, these things are absolutely fab but if you are beginning your self-love journey these things are often too hard to suddenly start doing. So my friends, I have crafted a list of things that can start growing your level of self-love toward yourself. Depending upon your struggles, some may work for you and some may not – that decision I will leave with you.

• Buy yourself a hot drink or something to snack on while you are out, either with someone or not. A simple cup of coffee or tea truly does wonders for re-focusing your attention to the present and stop you getting caught up in your head

• If getting a manicure or a pedicure is too much, paint your own nails. You could even invite your family or some of your friends to do the same and set up a DIY pamper afternoon – complete with face masks, nails, and a few good beverages and snacks

• Get out that family cookbook or baking book and whip up something in the kitchen – if you cannot enjoy the final product, make it for your family, friends, or even donate to somewhere local. Cooking for yourself or your family is a really good option if you find restaurants too much (be it due to the crowds, noise, food uncertainty) but you still want to have something a bit nicer than what is normal for your household

• We all moisturise, so pay those extra few dollars and get the one with the better sounding scent or better brand. Go to Lush, the Body Shop, your local market and get some boutique goods – often these are a lot more natural than commercial ones and aren’t that much pricier

• Allow your loved one (partner, mum, daughter – I don’t care who) to give you a wee massage at the end of the day. Alternatively, buy yourself a back scratcher or something of the like and do it yourself

• Attend an active relaxing exercise class such as yoga, Pilates, a hydro-tone swim class, silks. If you are feeling more out there, give more fun classes a shot; I’m talking pole dancing, burlesque, Zumba – you’ll be surprised with what is on offer in your local community and city

• If cost is something you find mentally hard, justify things under the ‘therapy’ bracket. Get that Shakti Mat, book that acupuncture appointment, have that massage, go have a float (Christchurch peeps – I’m talking about Cloud 9 Float). Would we tell someone not to go to the doctor when they have the flu? No! Treating our mental health is just the same as addressing your physical health, except swap the GP for a beauty therapist or traditional medicine professional – you’ll be surprised at how mentally refreshing these things can be

• A simple square of your favourite choc (the darker the better is my fav) can often be really satisfying for both physical craving and caring for your mental well-being. For those with eating difficulties – if chocolate isn’t your thing, then what about your favourite fruit, or lolly, ice-cream, biscuit? Feel-good foods have that name for a reason – no group or type of food is off the cards for anyone at any time

• Find a good series of Netflix, Lighbox, Neon, YouTube, OnDemand. Grab a blanket, get a drink and nibbles sorted, and plonk yourself on the couch or in bed and you have your afternoon sorted. Depending on your style, if you want something light (Gossip Girl, Riverdale, Rick & Morty), a reality competition (RuPaul’s Drag Race, Project Runway, Masterchef, Escape the Night, Come Dine With Me), a little serious (Criminal Minds, The Handmaid’s Tale, Game of Thrones), or something else (Grey’s Anatomy, Pretty Little Liars, The Vampire Diaries, Pretty Little Liars), those are a few of my suggestions to get you started

• Take up a hobby! Get your nanna or grandpa on and learn how to crochet, knit, sew, cross-stitch, build a model vehicle, play golf or lawn bowls – these things are seriously bloody brilliant, they are good ways to pass the time and keep your brain (and hands) occupied. There is also colouring in, Lego, sketching, scrap-booking, card-making, jigsaws, sudokus/word puzzles – hit up your local arts and craft or book store and grab some goodies!

• Explore your external environment- treating yourself does not always need to cost money! Hit up the local gardens or a scenic walk, go to the museum or art gallery, visit the local animal shelter, feed the ducks at a local river or pond, go to the beach if it is a nice day - make the most of nature and the creativity and creations of others

• Hit up your local thrift stores and find yourself an absolute bargain. Often, spending large amounts is difficult, but let's face it - we all need clothes. Thrift stores are a great middle point for getting things for yourself, that are new for you, that cost a fraction of what they would have previously been purchased for when brand new. Plus, this is a great way to care of ol' mother nature and our Earth. Find new wee hidden gems that others have regarded as old

We only have one body, one lifetime, one chance. Do you want to look back on your life and realise that you spend the majority of it hating yourself? Or do you want to look back and see the years of happy memories you made for yourself? It’s time we start making ourselves a priority – this is not being selfish, this is about loving yourself – you deserve this.

Your friend,

Rawing Meg

xx