UC CANTA MAG ISSUE TWO: My Story

Growing up, the only knowledge I had about mental illnesses was the stereotypes I watched on television and saw online. It wasn’t something that was commonly talked about – I was always of the opinion that it’s a rare occurrence and would never happen to me.

In the years before any official diagnoses were made, I began a mission to become healthier – “cleaning-up” my diet and increase my activity levels (*side-note: my diet and exercise routines were balanced and healthy and did not need any changes despite my actions and thoughts saying otherwise). All of this quickly snowballed in full-blown disordered eating and ritualistic behaviours no longer compatible with sustaining life.

I was weak and forever tired, always anxious, terrified of food and hated the way I looked, and utterly miserable. And despite all of this, I was still experiencing complete denial in accepting that anything was wrong with what I was doing to myself.

It was June 2012 when my sixteen-year-old self was diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa.

Narrowly avoiding an emergency admission to public hospital, I was unable to attend school and was sent home on strict bedrest; where I stayed for six months. I managed to increase my intake of food and restore some of the weight I had lost whilst receiving therapy through the South Island Eating Disorder Services. Despite our best efforts and use of an array of therapy styles, my progress stalled and I needed several admissions onto the specialist eating disorder hospital ward. I spent over four months of 2013 there – a ward with only 7 beds for eating disorder patients throughout the entire South Island – where I was sectioned under the Mental Health Act and experienced Nasogastric feeding.

Over the next few years I was also diagnosed with anxiety and depressive disorders – throwing a few more spanners in the works. However, the tailored therapy I received from this point was where some of the magic in my recovery began to happen. I learned that a) my obsession toward perfectionism and control was humanly impossible and established realistic goals around expectations of myself and my life, b) food was not the enemy, c) I needed to feel the fear and do things anyway, and – most importantly – d) life can be worth living if I decided so.

Fast-track some six long and hard years and here I am; no longer under such specialised care for my mental illness, in my final year pursuing a degree in an area of study that I love, in the workforce doing jobs that give me worth and that I enjoy doing, and being able to spend quality time on hobbies and being with people I love.

You don’t really think that getting better is possible when you are in the thick of it. You feel alone, as if no one else understands or is struggling like you are. But life beyond mental illness is possible, you are not alone, and you are worthy of a life beyond what you are currently living.

I am not ashamed of my past, as that just feeds the current societal stigma that mental illness is “taboo” and not something we discuss. Mental health is just as important as physical health; just as we talk about to our friends about a sore leg or broken arm, so too should we feel comfortable to discuss feeling down or getting anxious about a certain event that has or is about to happen. The only way that we begin to remove the stigma around mental illness is if we open up the conversation about it and let it be known that people are not lesser if they are struggling with their mental health, and become more proactive about increasing our mental fitness and wellness.

Mental Illness Myth-buster: Psychiatric Hospitals, beyond the TV screen

• No – it is not common practice to use straight-jackets on patients, or lock us away in secluded rooms.

• No – we are not absolutely “insane” or “crazed” people. We are members of society who – like you – live, work, and study.

• No – people do not want to be in these places, but those people do need to be there for the sake of their health

• Yes – the services available in this country do their best with what resources and information they have, but no – the services are not where they need to be. However; yes – we can get there

Your friend,

Rawing Meg, xx